Most paramount on my mind these days is my dearest angel and long time side kick and companion Tundra, a stunningly gorgeous white Siberian Wolf with spectacular glacial ice eyes who's journey has moved on into the stars.
His last night on the earthly plain was at a huge bonfire drum circle and a ride home in the car with his tongue hanging out enjoying the beautiful fresh mountain and ocean air. I kinda feel that the flames, smoke and beat of the drums helped to carry him on a gentler journey that night and I am so grateful for that.
His passing has been met with some good old denial and now its been gripping me with a mix of grief and tears one moment with a lovely side of crushing depression thrown in for good measure and sprinkled with a shear lump of gratefulness and awe at how blessed I am to have such an amazing spirit in my life in the first place.
I created a fund raising fan page in his honour on facebook for wheelchair accessible drinking fountains along our beautiful Sunshine Coast water front parks and both the community newspaper have been just so wonderful to run stories and memorial tributes to Tundra over the past several weeks. I am terrified to go to the Sunshine Coast Credit Union to see if anyone even made a donation to his living memorial.
But you know, I am really just crushed inside and realized I am over compensating on facebook perhaps with helping the community, trying perhaps to distract myself by being of service and purpose, which has met with some nasty harsh complaints that I am blogging the Sunshine Coast too much! I admit hubbing and blogging the community is a new learning curve and I appreciate the feedback but it sure has left me unsure of myself as this is after all just done with love and I don't make any money from it and live unemployed since I lost my job back in October.
Yesterday I went up and sat next to the site where my family graciously created a grave for Tundra in the woods overlooking stunning Trail Bay in Sechelt. I am so thankful for this, as I couldn't stand the thought of tossing him in a big pile like trash, but I also don't believe in mourning over a site, and that death has to be a celebration.
I am walking and walking and walking and walking, the other day, in just one day, four times around some of our larger parks, just to keep myself grounded in the now, to be in spirit and nature, and to process everything that's been coming my way these days and going through my head and heart.
I am trying to remain on the side of knowing that Tundra's death is a celebration and he will always be one with me forever in this beautiful universe. I often yell out "I Love You Tundra!" every where I go; into the waterfalls and forests and up into the sky to the tree tops and feel his spirit in my heart.
